WIN, LOSE OR DRAW - IT DOESN’T SUCK!
JOHANNESBURG, S.A. - What do get when you marry the offspring of the BCS and NCAA Basketball Tourney with the offspring of the Winter & Summer Olympics? You get the largest and most watched tournament in the world, the Soccer World Cup Draw. Now The Matts will not attach their name in support of this article because they have a rep to keep. They did allow me to hang myself/explain it in terms we can all understand, however, since I have the affliction known as Soccer Fanitis. Keep this handy in case you work with anyone outside the USA.
The MTM skinny on this is that after a crazy, long qualifying process, 32 of the world’s 195(?) countries get the nod. Like the NCAA Tourney though, some conferences get more many more seeds than others. Europe, for instance, is the Big East of this tourney, which has something like 9 teams taking part in March Madness. Weaker countries like New Zealand, which failed to beat a country with a population over one million, must play a play-in game to qualify. In other words, they play an extra game. You get 8 groups of 4; they all play each other once. The top 2 (based on record, points for/against and differential) from each group move on to the Round Of Sixteen (their Sweet 16), where a loss sends you back to your country for a flogging. If you lose the semi-final you have to play a 3rd Place match, which is good for the fans because it means nothing and it’s all offense. Think the Quebec Nordiques vs the Edmonton Oilers in a regular season game.
The Stastny Brothers
Actually, it’s nothing like that but if you’re with me so far great. If not, put down martini and read again - slowly. Why?! Because this is where it almost gets interesting… Like the BCS and NCAA tourney, the qualified 32 teams get entered in a weighted ping-pong ball lottery to see which pool/conference they will be in. I wish it were just a bunch of balls numbered 1 thru 32, but like the BCS and NCAA, FIFA likes to stack the odds in the favor of the big teams that bring people TV ratings. So, the top seeds are basically assured of playing weak opponents in the first round. For example, #4 Italy’s toughest competition is #30 Paraguay.
The fat cats say it’s coincidence, despite being caught red-handed.
So, they start with 4 pots of 8, that will be drawn in order. As one pot is finished, the next is drawn and so on. Pot 1 is supposed to have the host, in this case, South Africa. Then the top 7 ranked teams that qualify - occasionally a 4 seed will fail to qualify. Pot 2 contains the next 8 seeds after the top 7. And if you haven’t had enough Pot yet, Pot 3 contains the top 8 teams from the second tier conferences and POT 4 is often the play-in/crap teams just to make up the numbers even. There are other things that go on, but it will just make your brain hurt more.
Occasionally they botch it up and you get a Group of Death. A Group of Death is one where for some god-awful reason you have 2 dominant teams in with 2 very good teams, so no smart person picks that winner. Imagine Florida, Georgia Tech, USC and Oklahoma all in the same group. Now pick the two winners with 100% certainty - I double dare you. This year’s Group of Death lumps Brazil (like UNC, has most titles), Portugal (2nd in the Euro Conference Championship 2 years ago, but struggled to qualify this time), Ivory Coast (arguably most talent-laden African Side) and North Korea - who suck. Sorry Little Kim-Jong.
Now that you’re finally asleep, I’ll end with the list of teams and their rankings. Remember, NCAA Football has taught us anything, it’s that rankings are overrated. And If the NCAA tourney has taught us but one thing - it’s anything can happen after tip-off (or Kick-off as it is in soccer).
I will be back next week to handicap all for you with odds and my predictions. In the meantime, prepare for Grote’s Gripes tomorrow. He’ll likely have plenty to gripe about because of this.
Tags: BCS, Big East, Brazil, Edmonton Oilers, FIFA, Ivory Coast, Kim Jong, Little Kim, March Madness, NCAA Basketball, North Korea, Portugal, Quebec Nordiques, Soccer Fanitis, Stastny, Summer Olympics, UNC, Winter Olympics, World Cup Soccer
December 17th, 2009 at
Yes, we are ranked #77 and are bloody against it but that’s because we’re a rugby nation, Mate. I enjoy the World Cup, all the same. Nice pictures!
December 17th, 2009 at
Group A is another tricky group. There is no dominat team in the group. Hosts South Africa will look to pull off an upset or two in front of the home crowd. Mexico and Uruguay usually do well, and despite being ranked #7, the Frenchies aren’t the same team than made the finals in 2006. They looked shaky throughout the qualifiers and needed a Thierry Henry handball to book their ticket to the dance. It would be nice to see them bow out at the first hurdle.
December 17th, 2009 at
France got yet another gift being put in Group A, don’t kid yourself Diff’rent Matt. If you don’t mind a little veering off today’s topic, I have to say that it’s quite refreshing to see the Mets bidding against themselves again in this whole Jason Bay thing. Sure Omar, go ahead and give him five years when no one else will. This kind of thinking worked so well with Ollie Perez.
December 17th, 2009 at
How can they rank Ghana ahead of Honduras?
December 17th, 2009 at
“How can they rank Ghana ahead of Honduras?” - OH NO you didn’t Grote. I was just starting to like you as a soccere fan and then you go disrespect Ghana. I was gonna tell everyone in my next article how was born there too.
Wasn’t Ghana Ranked behind the US and Czech Republic, last world cup too and can you remind me who made it out of that group?
December 17th, 2009 at
My mistake I must’ve been thinking of Guyana.
December 17th, 2009 at
@Grote2DMax: Because Ghana is better!! As for the article, you pretty much summed it up well. England are not doing any better this time around, and France is def gon’ miss Zidane. I say, those Argentineans, like i always do, are gon’ take it this year. I’ma be at a couple of Games. GO BAFANA BAFANA!!!
December 17th, 2009 at
Must Mother Enland forever be inexorably attached to her Bastard Children?! My telly and John Donne Collection for your global humiliation!
December 17th, 2009 at
@Alex: “The Sun never sets on British Soil.” Sound familiar, And it is not Mother England as much as it is deadbeat Dad England.
December 17th, 2009 at
All right all right all right, another soccer fan for the foxhole here at MTM land! And I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense, seeing the Stastnys again in those glorious uniforms…it’s like you wrote this just for me, Junior!
December 17th, 2009 at
I heard the NHL was thinking about bring back a QC team. I blame Gretzky for all these southern state hockey teams. Phoenix can’t support one so send them to Hamilton, Kithcner or even QC.
True Story here folks. Hockey was the first American sport I understood because it looked like soccer except on ice with sticks and a funky looking ball. I mean soccer or hockey, pass, shoot score is the same.
December 17th, 2009 at
Nice primer…we’ll see if you can make a ‘football’ fan outta me yet. Maybe this’ll tide me over until RWC…
December 17th, 2009 at
Junior Blaber: We made it through without barfing or falling into a boredom-induced coma, so hats off to you! But Mattville needs to know; Where are you from that this holds true:
“Hockey was the first American sport I understood because it looked like soccer…”
And more importantly, what hallucinogen were you on when you made that observation???
nguni52 & Rugbyisforlovers: Welcome to MTM! We hope to hear from you more often!
December 17th, 2009 at
All I have to say is “VIVA ESPANA!!!’ And.. i hope NZ advances and France gets bounced out. Serves them right after the handball. Cheaters.
Junior.. is that picture by the blackboard Charlize Theron?? I believe she’s one of the most underrated fair haired actresses of our time.
Sports Star/Domestic Lesson #76 (because there are HOSTS of others before this)… Don’t hang onto the pickup truck of your fleeing fiancee. She’ll come back.. but you won’t if you’re taking a big, dirt nap. RIP Chris Henry.
December 17th, 2009 at
Matts I was born in Ghana, so I was a soccer lover first before rugby. I came to America at the age of 6, back then the rangers were shown on channel 9, wor. I knew no american sport but saw a hockey game and I understood the idea of getting a shot past the goalie. Its a real simple concept.
Cookie: Chris should have learned from Tiger, that you drive away not her.
December 17th, 2009 at
Yeah Angry buck management, you crazy soccer lovin nut.
December 17th, 2009 at
nice one here junior… be prepared for the backlash from the rugby centric in the crowd … i was on a plane and watched a few minutes of the draw. it looked like it was rigged, the guy picking the balls would spin them before pulling them out of the hopper like he was feeling for a mark or something to tell him which to pick.
matts, are you really that stupid? try thinking outside the box for a second. goalie pass shoot score? which part don’t you get?
December 17th, 2009 at
But Junior.. driving away didn’t work for Tiger too well.. now did it?~?
December 17th, 2009 at
Well tiger is alive isn’t he? I wonder how glad he is that Elin didn’t have a pick-up?
December 17th, 2009 at
How do you reckon the Bengals are gonna list Chris Henry in this week’s injury report? The NFL is going to have to implement a new category. To wit…
Probable (turf toe)
Questionable (knee)
Doubtful (hamstring)
Out (concussion)
Dead (pick-up)
Seriously though, what a waste.
December 17th, 2009 at
Good lord AW.. that listing was hilarious. We’re going to hell in a handbasket on a Slip n’ Slide greased with oil.
December 17th, 2009 at
hot chick….soccer….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
December 17th, 2009 at
I got 100 British pounds on the USA to knock of de Pfeffel’s limeys….
I got 100 Central African CFA francs that Cameroon sends Holland back to their swamp
I got 100 West African CFA francs that Côte d’Ivoire waxes Brazil.
December 17th, 2009 at
The Swiss better take a crash course in Spanish. They are grouped with Spain, Honduras and Chile. How did that happen?
December 17th, 2009 at
Bosox: 3 different conferences 1 language. Blame the Germans when in doubt, they are still bitter about the Nazi Gold.
Cookie: Common lets be honest, how many friends would you have in heaven anyway. All the people that really know how to party and you call friends will be in hell.
December 17th, 2009 at
Yes. There, I said it. It is a BORE. There should be no goalie and the field should be 20 yards shorter and the goal 10 yards wider.
December 17th, 2009 at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/England_v_United_States_(1950)
December 17th, 2009 at
I’ve stop posting most days of the week but now that Lord Herr Von Pfefferneusse has basically admitted that Mother England is (at heart ) a whore who slept around and had a child or two out of wedlock is well worth noting.
If you lament your “bastard children” what does that make you?
Anyway, I think the world will applaud when the French get bounced.
To junior Blabber..there is third alternative. When you die a guy meets you on the stairs. One set goes up…few get to go that way that except for women whose names start with : mama, nana grandma, etc…Another set go down…religious whackos, murderers, rapists, many Republicans but not all, etc.. but there is that doorway under the up staircase that says:
” The Party Room”..call it limbo if you will but that’s where I’m going!!
Dinner was two White Russians and a bunch of those little liqueur booze filed chocolate things…..life is good..Go Vikings!
December 17th, 2009 at
Dear Matt M,
Here is a GREAT American sports story. Sorry it doesn’t relate to the soccer thread.
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/video/21997994/index.html
December 17th, 2009 at
Junior, I think your article is great and the comments are awesome. One thing though, us cold weather natives aren’t too big on soccer. It may be a warm weather thing. I’ll take you ice fishing.
December 17th, 2009 at
King Ronan, indeed! Draw your sword, fool!
December 17th, 2009 at
King Ronan I wonder how many members of the Gloucester High football team were proud papas from the great Glochester High pregnancy pact of 2008?
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html
December 17th, 2009 at
Oh Grote…..that was a good one to pull outta the hat.
December 17th, 2009 at
Can someone list those hangover remedies again? i just got back from my office party.
December 17th, 2009 at
Annie: A good greasy spoon restraunt with a big plate of eggs bacon and home fries. Lots of Gatorade too and sleep while boss is not looking.
Walt - Denmark made it so some people in the cold like the beautiful game
December 17th, 2009 at
Ummmm, hate to clue you all in, but the BCS does not have a playoff. That’s why College Football Fans HATE IT.
What do you expect from a futbol fan? Futbol = zzzzzzzzzz, slow down the brain, man. Make you want to smoke the kind bud to make the boring go way.
Try some menudi for the hangover if you live around and decent Mexican restaurants. Fool proof.
December 17th, 2009 at
Dizzie, I mention the BCS for its inherit corruptness and how people freak out about the ranks and who goes to what bowl. The World Cup Draw gets as much reactions around the world. I am trying to explain Computers to Cavemen here, such as yourself.
So Dizzie, toke toke toke, take it to the head.
December 17th, 2009 at
Emmm, just had some Santa Fe kind bud from that came over from Amarillo way….howd’ ja know.
There is no ranks in the BCS…me no understand….BCS sucks…..I’m hungry…..futbol sucks….still hungry……time for fish tacos, with some jalapeno and cilantro dressing….futbol still suck, as does BCS……
December 18th, 2009 at
Who knows, Grote, maybe one of them is a young cousin of yours.
December 18th, 2009 at
Who is cooler; Jean Baptiste Elissalde or Brian O’Driscoll?
December 18th, 2009 at
Why is 2011 BETTER than 2010?
December 18th, 2009 at
http://www.rugbyworldcup.com/
December 18th, 2009 at
Okay, M AT T, did you realize that:
The Six Nations starts the day before the Super Bowl? The second day is the day OF the SB?
The Winter Olympics start of February 12th?
The Bean Pot is in February? That is the tourny that includes BOSTON UNIVERSITY, the national champions, AND the greatest college hockey program EVER?
I am sure you were in possession of all the aforementioned data.
Gonna be a good February!
December 19th, 2009 at
Still drinking Martini’s eh Junior??? tsk tsk.
Nice article though more impressed that youre attempting to explain World Cup and “soccerrrr” to the Yanks truly impressive/brave that. That being said, still got you a ticket to the Quarter finals if your up for it…